Martial Art: Hop-Ren-Gi

[Treymiar]

Hop-Ren-Gi

The galaxy can thank Earth's 20th century Shaw Brothers for this. The Ferengi, after watching their Kung Fu movies, were compelled to invent their own martial art. After all, Ferenginar must expand its business presence into all forms of art and business across the quadrant.

The Ferengi knew it would be a difficult challenge. The ancients in the Shaw Brothers movies could catch blades bare handed, fly through trees, and make superleaps. Whatever this "Ki" power was hoomans were talking about, Ferenginar would figure out... and surpass it.

Form moves like "maiden threads the loom" and "brush the horse's mane" didn't make sense to the little orange men. Sooo, the Ferengi came up with more sensible names. In one form "Undercut the competitor's price" was a staff foot sweep. Spinning in for a staff punch was "Make an inside trade". Reaching back for a clonk to the head was "Ring the Wallstreet Bell". Yes, these made much more practical sense.

Copying the swammy-pajammi outfits, the quiet meditation postures, and soft spoken ways like "My Protege" (instead of "My Son"), the Ferengi put great effort into reinventing Kung Fu.

Actually, they didn't do a bad job of it. The style they created did suit the small Ferengi body and they did (re)discover some efficient techniques. (They're still having trouble mastering the superleaps, etc.)

Hop-Ren-Gi, as they named it, would have remained an obscure and even quaint fighting art had it not been for their staff forms. Ferengi have no qualms about ganging up on enemies. They readily acknowledged that they are smaller and weaker than most other races. And, after all, if the Shaw Brothers heroes could team up against Master Evil Fu, then so could they. Ferenginar advanced staff techniques into teams. Students leaned to fight in threes. Typically, one would make an off-balancing attack, another would make a feint, and the third would make a striking blow. With their superior hearing, they could make clicking rakes on their staff handles to telegraph patterns for their partners to use.

What drew considerable attention to Hop Ren Gi team staff combat was Klingon. The obscure beginning was in a bar fight. A drunken warrior decided to hassle the Ferengi, and they took after him with improvised broomsticks. Impressed by their team coordination, the warrior didn't kill the one he got hold of. He set him down, handed back his stick and beckoned all three to continue. Long story short, a Klingon commander showed up at the Ebon Brothers Dojo of Hop-Ren-Gi and announced, "We would LEARN this art! You will TEACH us!" (Apparently, Klingonese has no word for 'please'.)

Their interest in team staff combat was more than professional amusement or curiosity. The real reason became evident about one year later. A messenger stopped by. Without a word, he unwrapped a cloth and dropped a head at the feet of the 'masters'. He gave a respectful nod of approval, and then departed. The head was to a large Tholian Mantis. A creature of considerable power and swiftness, it could wade through and tear apart humanoid soldiers. Klingons, using a tech blade not unlike a naginata, were now able to engage the monsters as a team... and win.

The jubilant Ferengi pronounced 'Supreme Accomplishment' not at the delivery of the head, but after they received an invitation. They received an official invitation to present exhibition demonstrations at Earth's pan-Asian games. Will Hop Ren Gi ever be inducted as an Olympic sport? Ih, maybe not, but the Ferengi are ever hopeful.

Postscript: Ferenginar copied the Klingon tech-blade idea. The theory is, a staff team could use varying physical and energy effects against the Borg. Adaptive shield optimizations wouldn't help. To date, however, there haven't been any combats to put this to the test.