Romulus

Items that have been adopted as Fleet Canon

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FruitLoop
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Romulus

Post by FruitLoop » Mon Mar 11, 2013 2:29 am

http://wiki.pegasusfleet.net/index.php? ... ox/Romulus

Took me three weeks to do it with the rib, but finally done.

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Williams
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Re: Romulus

Post by Williams » Thu Mar 21, 2013 12:52 pm

First, a couple of major points which need to be mentioned, considering the way that we decided that the fleet would go in regards to Romulus quite some time ago;

In the 'history' section, you said that 'However, in 2387, a star close to Romulus called Hobus went supernova, damaging the planet and its star, Eisn. Romulus is now uninhabitable due to the devastating nature of a supernova, and Eisn is unable to sustain life on that world'. The direction that the fleet went when we made the decision on Romulus was that the planet would be damaged, but still habitable and still the heart of the Romulan Empire; it would just take decades of rebuilding and there would be some severe geological affects (such as earthquakes, etc). In order to fit in with everything else, I think that this bit would need changing to match that decision, and then the other bits (like the people having been moved mentioned in the top of the article) altered to match as well, and it being shifted from the past tense to the present for most of the article.

Also, in the infobox you put that it is in the Hobus system - canon states that the name for the system is the Romulan system, which has the Romulan name of Eisn - I assume that since you used Eisn above, the infobox thing was just an error.

Anywho, overall other than that it looks good. Just a few minor changes that I picked up on:

Capitol needs to be capital (capitol is a building where legislators meet, capital is as in capital city)
I think that before the 'more opportunities bit in the Romulan Star Navy...' bit there needs to be an and instead of the comma - otherwise it reads like we're expecting something else (the 'and tal'shiar' bit doesn't count as a separate list item since it's included in the opportunities bit)
In the farming bit, I would expect that Romulus wasn't the only source of Romulan livestock and vegetation - likely that'd have done what Earth has and exported many of their animals to other worlds in their Empire, and they'd probably use the stocks from these other worlds to replace those lost on Romulus rather than use terran animals and grain.

In the Tal'Shiar bit I don't know whether 'for their own protection' would apply to agents not dressing in uniform until they reached work. In Romulan society, the Tal'Shiar is so feared that nobody would risk angering them by attacking one of their agents, and so they'd not only be able to walk the streets in their uniform safely, but they'd likely be given an extremely wide berth by the public for the public's own sense of personal safety. Perhaps having it so that a number of them arrived at work in civilian clothes in order to prevent them being instantly recognised en-route as Tal'Shiar, thus allowing them to observe covertly when required?

On the bit about the Senate, you state that Senators were born into their position - everything seen and read about points to the fact that they are elected to the senate, though perhaps confusion could be caused by the fact that they have to have a strong standing in society, which usually means that they need to be of 'high birth', or from a family already well placed in Romulan society?



Other than those points, I think it's really detailed - I really like all of the effort you put into describing each of the continents, regions and natural wonders on the planet.

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